Things surely took a strange twist lately. Before I go into that, let me just write down the last ten years of my life in a nutshell: My mom was an alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic, though not to the same extend. They fought regularly. I was bullied at school often. When I was 13 my father died, leaving me with my alcoholic mother. Things went downhill, and I ended up in a sort of foster care thing. Eventualy I came back home, mom still alcoholic and I pretty much missed out on my entire teenage years because of her. I had to constantly take care of myself, live the life of an adult at the age of 16.

Now, at the age of 18, in the year 2006, when I'm right at the point where I'm starting to crumble under the weight and presure of ten years of fucked up, the weight is lifted, and I'm finaly given back my freedom and my life.
A few days ago, my mother died. Leaving me alone. And to be honest, it feels good. It feels good to finaly know that the pain and suffering of not only myself, but also of my mother, is finaly over. It feels good to know that I can finaly move on with my life, without having the presure of my mother holding me back. Freedom... it feels so damn nice.

Ofcourse, losing a parent is never fun. No matter how much she fucked up your childhood and most part of your life. It's still instinct to care about your parents, as do I. And freedom does come at a price in this case. As I was still the one who had to found her laying dead, spread over her bed with her face in the covers as if she choked to death. I generaly know myself as someone who can take a punch. But the picture of how I found her there that morning still hounts my thoughts. The image still appears infront of my eyes each time I set foot in the living room. The feeling of a room where someone died is just there. You can feel it every time you're in there. And it's fucked up to say the least.
Luckily me and a friend have spend most part of this evening to come up with a nice fresh new design for the living room. As - obviously - I don't want to keep living in this house as it currently is. I'm hoping we can start re-doing it as soon as possible. To get that bad feeling out of here.

I'm going to take some pictures of the room, as a small reminder for later. And I'm going to take pictures of the room as it's being re-done. Just for myself to see how things went. I'l post some of those here I guess. So I can share, which I find very nice to do in times like this.

Anyway, untill a later time.

Tiger